In which Tsunayoshi gets a fairy godmother(but not really)
by Fireabovefirebelow
Summary: Something has crawled into the dimensions of the Katekyo Hitman verse. It is deranged, self serving, and chittering with madness. Don't listen to its words, look not upon it's flesh. It is madness encapsulated, it is here for Tsunayoshi Sawada, and it gives not one shit for canon. Behold, the self insert of a rabid fan-girl's ghost. Oh yes. Be afraid, be very afraid.


**_Inside a cell, written in inmate 34586B's_** ** _blood. Wednesday, December 4 2016._**

 ** _To whom the fuck ever-_**

There is a thin line between insanity and genius, or so they say. In my case there is no line of demarcation, I am insane. I am insane and even were it to be possible to be otherwise, I would not- would never seek to be anything other than as I am.

This is my love letter to reality and rationality. A dear john letter to the soldiers against my demons. The doctors, the therapists tell me to be gentle with my self. To seek love and self acceptance. But, oh my love. My love, it was never ever otherwise.

They say write what you know, and all I have ever known is love, so so be it.

I say farewell to sanity. To rationality. To reflection. I don't need to know you to love you. To see the darkest deepest crevices of your self to..' to accept...

my heart my love. I'm broken broken can't you see.

Where reality and fantasy intersect there I am.

Here I am.

HerE I am. 

Tsunayoshi Sawada was six years old, and hiding from the neighborhood kids behind the recycling bins when he first met her. Thick black hair, shaved tight against her skull. Chinky, heavy lidded eyes that seemed to stare vacantly into space. She was wearing a pale pink dress, the only sign that she was a girl. She was barefoot, and there were red ribbons laced tightly over and over her pale pudgy forearms.

She smiled vacantly at him, then she reached out and one damp fingertip flicked hard against his for head.

There was a popping sensation, and then Tsunayoshi's field of vision dissolved into orange flames.

When he next woke up, he felt like he'd had a cold since forever, and his sinuses was finally unplugged. Like he could finally draw a full breath again. His thoughts raced and connected on a level like razors snapping into place, everything was so clear. Everything was better. The man that his mom said was his father, and that old man... They'd done something to him.

Frozen the orange flames away from his reach, left him to the cold, and slowed his limbs and reactions. And then they'd left like they'd done nothing, and when the bullies came, and the name calling started...

And he and mama were left alone to deal...

It wasn't right that they'd done that. They hadn't even explained why. They hadn't even acted like they'd done something wrong.

And it was wrong. They'd done it to him, made him slow and stupid and clumsy so half the time he couldn't even run when it got real bad.

And someone was sitting next to him.

Tsunayoshi opened his eyes and he was in his room. The girl was sitting cross legged next to him on the floor. The raggedy ends of her red ribbons trailed off his lap, and her cold, clammy hands held his hands.

"Who are you?" Was that his voice? Steady and cold, and with no stuttering. No Hiee-ing underlying his tone? No uncertainty at this strange girl in his room, and at his side?

The girl glanced at him from beneath short spikey lashes. This close, he can see droplets of sweat or rain glistening in the oily scruff of her hair. Her pink dress was damp as well, and smelled headily of shampoo.

"Call me -" There was a strange sussuration that hurt his ears and made his eyes blink away spots like he'd stared into the sun. A bitter cloying taste in the back of his throat made him want to gag ~redTEETHWhITESHROud HoWLingBraT TRiuMPHanT~ She smiled wanly at him, and lifted up her arms. The red satin gleamed wetly. "Ribbon."

Something inside him warned him not to ask the next question on his tongue. What are y- No. No NO NO.

"Why did you help me?"

"Mm," Ribbon hummed, and leaned forward conspirationaly. "I'm your guardian monster."

What.

"What?"

She leaned back with a placid look on her face. The smell of water and shampoo grew fresh and sharp. "You know, like a fairy godmother? Only I don't grant wishes."

His gut clenched. Something made him ask.

"Are you going to hurt anyone?" Tsunayoshi asked. He was rewarded with a slow curving smile, and fought the wince when for a second he saw something red shine through her tee- Don't think about it.

"Saa- That depends on whether or not someone tries to hurt you."

His gut twisted. His eyes stung, and Ribbon seemed to twist where she sat. Light bent and collasped around her thin form, and he saw-

"I can deal with them!" His shrill panicked voice startled the two of them. Her eyebrows nearly touched her hairline. Tsunayoshi leaned forward. "You helped take that thing off that they put on me, so I can- I can take care of myself now! The bullies, that- those two. I can- you don't need to hurt anyone. Because" His flames picked out the right words " You already made it so I can hurt them instead!"

His voice broke on the last sentence, but his gut. Overflowing with those warm orange flames she'd unleashed told him he had to stop her right here and now unless he wanted to see, she'd helped him and he was thankful, but she was all wrong inside. Broken and twisted and so hateful and hUngRy. She wouldn't stop until everything ran red. And it would be his fault because she was only here for him.

Ribbon slumped, and there was a line to her lips that might be a pout. "You're so kind Tsuna."

She pitied him, but she cared for him too. His flames told him. Tsunayoshi felt a little of that knee jerk fear melt away. He had a feeling that she just wanted to be friends, and whatever she was, no one should be lonely.

"Mama says that everyone should be kind."

"Hmm, a shame that real people aren't." Ribbon says pointedly.

Tsunayoshi flushed. Remembering hiding in the alley behind recycling bins. The mean, laughing adults, and mama crying into the night. He remembers his own anger and fear even through the fog of whatever those two had done to him, and just for a moment felt-

RedgRiNWhiTESHroud- Ribbon was smiling into his face "We can make them be kind, you know? If they won't behave, they deserve a little time out."

She'll kill them. She'll kill them all. "No." Tsunayoshi squeaked through frozen lips. "That wouldn't be right. That would be ty- tyranny."

He remembered so many things now that that fog was gone. He'd gone to see a Shakespear play with mama in the park, the things they'd said flew over over his head then, he'd been so confused, more interested in his pudding cup instead of the middle schoolers prancing about on stage. But that word had stuck in his mind since then, "Therein, ye gods, you make the weak most strong; Therein, ye gods, ye tyrants do defeat."

He whispered. Something else he'd forgot to remember.

Ribbon tilted her head quizzically. "Exactly." She chirped. "But why put your faith on something as nebulous and unreliable as an old man sitting on a cloud? In any case," Ribbon said, placidly changing the subject. "I get that you don't want to hurt anyone. You're a pacifist, and kind of a pushover. That's why I'm here you see? I'm here to do the dirty stuff so you can keep on living with your head in the clouds, without ever having to touch the ground."

She smiled widely, but her round face somehow never got any happier. "I'm your guardian monster. Your hound of war. Your foot soldier for a peaceful reality, your majesty."

She'll kill everything. Something inside of him whispered. If she is a hound, then she is rabid, and you have to be so so careful now Tsuna.

"I don't want you to hurt anyone." Tsunayoshi said slowly, evenly.

"I won't, if they leave you alone." Ribbon said earnestly. Her eyes were a deep dark normal brown, and they seemed to glisten as she stared at him. "I have some ideas, you know. How to make them leave you alone, I mean."

His intuition shivered cold and razor sharp at the base of his spine. Oh, Tsuna knows that she had ideas. He had to give his own too or else-"I have ideas too now, you know." Tsuna tried to fill his face and voice with his certainty. He did.

Ribbon smiled, and his gut told him she felt relief at that. That her first gift to him had started working already. Wait, gift? First gift? And she expected nothing in return, his gut soothed. Well, that's good, but first meant she had more and- never in his life did Tsuna think he'd start dreading free gifts before.

"Thats good." Ribbon said. "I'm glad that you're working better with your intuition already. I was really worried that when you woke up you'd still be too-"

"Weak?" Tsunayoshi smiled wanly. That was what his intuition warned him not to appear as. Never show weakness, not in front of her.

Ribbon nodded at him un apologetically. "There are things coming, Tsuna. A lot of things that'll rip your life into something you'd hate forever. But don't worry, your majesty. Like I said, if at that point you still want to keep your hands clean, I'll be there."

Tsuna gulped, but covered that with a chuckle. "Um, but I have to grow up sometime you know. You can't babysit me forever. You did say you weren't a fairy godmother, and even Cinderella's godmother left at the end of the movie."

Ribbon let out a gasping chorus of laughter. "That's because Cinderella had her happily ever after, Tsuna."

His intuition swept over him in a chilly wave of realization and then certainty. Ribbon would never hurt him. Ribbon would kill for him. As soon as possible, Tsuna must find what he wanted in life and fight viciously and convincingly enough that Ribbon never had to get involved. And then she would leave.

Hopefully.

Oh god, he was only six years old. Why was this happening to him?

"Tsu-kun?"

Tsuna jerked up in surprise. His mama, Nana Sawada stood in the doorway to his room with a confused look on her pretty face. Her short brown hair was pushed back in a lacey white bandana, and her equally lacey apron was half untied. His mama stepped into the room, and smiled at him. "Tsu-kun, who were you talking to? Mama heard voices, do you have a friend over?"

Tsuna's eyes darted over to his side, where Ribbon sat cross legged and bored looking. "Uh."

Ribbon shrugged. "I don't think she can see me Tsu-kun." A slight curve apeared above her lip. "Your mama has always liked to ignore unpleasant things."

She meant the bullying and his clumsiness ever since those two came and left, his gut told him. But for mama, that wasn't unreasonable. How was she to know that those two had done something to him.

He hadn't realized he'd said that out loud until Ribbon curving lips flattened, and she turned her cold gaze onto Nana, his mama. He reminded himself with a zing of cold terror.

"A mother always knows." Ribbon said blandly.

And that was enough for his intuition to seize upon and extrapolate. Where did he see/hear that word? Maybe a cops show late at night? What? What? What did she mean Nana, mama knew what hap- no, she didn't know. But she certainly knew something had happened. She'd almost taken him to the hospital for his borderline autistic behavior didn't she? She'd called and called that man and said that he must of had caught something, do y _ou know if you were exposed to something over there, honey? Only Tsu-kun isn't-he's not acting ri-oh-I'm not sure it's the flu hon-I don't think that he's faking, no honey. No. No, I-oh, maybe it is just growing pains. I'm sorry-hm, he's been like this for a few weeks now... yes. You're probably right. I must just be imagining it. I love you too honey bear, when do you think you are coming home again? Oh, you're so sweet_.

Tsunayoshi blinked woodenly. "She- She was busy..?" His throat felt strange, hot and prickly, and it wasn't his intuition doing it, because his intuition had offered up a separate reasoning to what he'd just said and-

"Your mother wasn't busy, Tsuna." Ribbon continued to stare at his mother with that terrifying expression on her face. She'd uncrossed her legs, and her arms seemed to trail those ribbons of hers like-

Nana, no, his mOThEr. How Could She Just Drop It Like That? She didn't really know who did what, or what they did, but she knew something anyway right?

"Ara, Tsu-kun. Do you have an imaginary friend?" His mama smiled prettily at him and clapped her hands excitedly. "Do you want to invite them for dinner with us?"

Ribbon began to smile, and Tsuna's intuition flashed like a lightening bolt. He grabbed his mama's hand, and then thinking better of it, started to push her towards the hall.

"Um, I'm not hungry, and neither is Ribbon RIGHT?" Tsuna shouted over his shoulder, glaring bright and golden at her.

Ribbon, half rising, black scruff of hair nearly bristling with excitement around her round face paused. Then pouting, sank back down into her crosslegged position.

"Ara, no need to push me, Tsu-kun. I'll cover your food for you so you can eat it after you finish playing with Ribonny-kun." His mama patted him on his head, and finally left. Leaving Tsunayoshi to whip around on his heel and stomp towards her.

His orange flame seemed to pour out of his skin and his throat. He imagines that this might be what a dragon feels when defending its princess, even when he knew that she would be his death.

Tsunayoshi would wonder at how fast his brain worked now later, drawing connections to fairy tales, and then wondering at just how well Ribbon understood him to realize that Tsuna craved a fairy tale-esque life- when he wasn't tasting Ribbon's hUnGEr in the the back of his own throat.

Tsuna sank down onto his haunches and stared at Ribbon until she looked away.

The silence blossomed between them like his flames filling the room. Then Tsuna said softly, and emphatically where was his intuition pulling all of these adult words from?; "You will never attack my mother, promise me."

Ribbon looked at him askance. "Mother? Not Mama?" She asked with sardonic amusement.

Tsuna let his flames lash out like a snap in the air. Ribbon's chinky eyes widened with shock, amusement, then excitement. What that meant, his intuition promised to tell him later. Right now it seemed intent on hammering this one truth home, and it was focusing his flame to highlight his words.

"You will never attack my mother." Tsunayoshi said evenly. Orange flames sparked over his lips. "If you are really here to help, like you said, you'd know I love my mama, and you will promise. Or I will burn you away from this reality."

Another short silence. And while Tsuna reeled inwardly at the psychotic intent in his words. Like, what the hell? What? What? Burn her away from this reality? What? Can he even do that..?

Yes. Yes he could, his intuition assured him.

"Don't be ridiculous, your majesty."Ribbon said blandly. "Like Mama Nana is anywhere on my list. But I'll promise, Tsunayoshi. I will never attack your mama, Nana Sawada, formerly known as Nana Suzumaya, for as long as you live."

She would keep her promise. His intuition reassured him.

...she had a list?

Tsunayoshi wanted to slump in relief, grab his gundam pillowcase covered pillow, slam it over his face and just scream into the empty void. But his intuition lashed at him, and he just nodded grimly and nodded at the door. "Do you want to eat?"

Ribbon's smile grew a shade blander. "Always, but there's nothing here I want to eat."

You don't want to know what she eats, his intuition informed him. His intuition slowed down for a second, then; It's peopl-

"Come and sit with us anyway!"Tsuna grinnedwith a sharp frantic energy. "I still need to introduce you properly to mama! I don't think I can stand her calling you Ribonny-kun for the rest of my life. A hahaha!"

Ribbon smiled blandly, but there was a knowing glint to her round face that made his guts tell him to beware. "Hm, ah well. I can make do, I suppose."

A drop of cold sweat trickled down his neck. "Great, lets go."

A few minutes later, Ribbon's plate steadily emptied and Tsuna's cold sweat had drenched the neck of his shirt. Ribbon just glanced at him nonchalantly, intermittenly through out the meal.

Mama, just like how Ribbon had bluntly said before, ignored the plate seemingly being emptied by an unseen force with only a strained smile, and she - oh no why, mama?- began to ask questions.

"So, Tsu-kun, is your imaginary friend a boy or a girl?"

Tsu-kun swallowed his flinch, and also his mouthful of miso. "Mm, Ribbon is a girl, but her hair is black and is cut real short like a boy." He demonstrated by holding his finger an inch away from his scalp.

Ribbon smirked, "It's more convenient this way. Mm, Tsuna, your mom is an excellent cook." If negligent mother, his intuition fished out the rest of what she didn't want to say. She didn't say it, and his intuition told him it was because she didn't want to hurt him, but it hurt him all the same.

Tsuna bit down hard on his bottom lip. She did care, he told himself. She did, he could prove it. He pulled on his flames, and felt his gaze sharpen and his intuition hum like a song in his head."Ribbon says that you're an excellent cook." Before Ribbon undid what thse two did, that word excellent would of had been stuttered and slurred over and in the end it's meaning would of had melted away like slush in the gutter-

Before.

Now he understood, he, his mom's cooking was not just the greatest, it was superb. Incredible. A feat of art, deserving of awards, his mom was excellent.

Lie, his intuition lashed out at him.

"Oh my, well thank you Ribbony-kun." His mama flushed prettily. "Only the best for Tsu-kun."

Truth.

Tsuna shot Ribbon a gloating look. Ribbon just shrugged after taking in his expression. "I never said she was a bad mom, I just described her actions. And you know what they say about actions and words."

Tsuna breathed out his nose, slowly. "So how old are you anyway Ribbon?"

Ribbon cleared off her plate. "Maa, you don't really want me to answer that do you? It'll just creep you out you know."

Truth.

"I don't care," Tsuna said cheerfully. "You know lots about me, but I know nothing else about you other than the fact that you've sworn yourself to serving my happiness."

"Ara, that sounds so romantic, Tsu-kun. So your Ribbon-chan is like your knight?" His mama interjected, looking flushed with motherly indulgence.

Tsuna paled, but quickly regrouped at Ribbon's amusement. "No, she's really more like my pet dragon." He beamed at his mom.

Ribbon nodded in agreement. Then she stood up, and began to stretch from side to side, her raggedy ribbons trailing from her forearms like feathers. Her next words made his brain melt and his intuition spike.

"I am thirty four years old," Ribbon said, eyeing him with an evaluating gaze.

"What." WHAT.

"I only look like this because I'm trying to conserve energy, and I thought you'd be less freaked out if I looked like I was your age."

"You didn't even give me enough time to be freaked out." Tsuna pointed out.

"Yes." Ribbon said simply.

There was a pause as Tsuna rubbed the sides of his aching skull. "Are you a pedophile?"

Nana gasped, "Tsu-kun, where did you hear that word!?"

Ribbon brightened. "No, but that is one of my favorite fo-"

Tsuna held out a hand. "No. Don't. I don't want to know."

Ribbon settled back into her chair with a huff. "If you don't want to know, then don't ask, honestly."

 _ **In which I just wanted to write a self indulgent shit fic. Also, I really hated Tsuna of canon, what a mewling little brat. Also, Reborn was a shitty character and teacher, and if I do continue this, I'll make sure to shit on him too.**_

Huzzah -.-


End file.
